Better driving with this weird trick!
Do you like to drive? Do you hate interruptions? Is your forward momentum constantly inhibited by an ominous red light? Do you fail to continue on once the green light commands you to? Many modern drivers struggle with the reality of stopping at a red light and not knowing when to start moving again. You’re not alone, and we have the cure! But first, here are some anecdotes of those affected by this condition.
“I was going out for a rip in my truck, listening to some country jams. I remember my favourite song was playing. You know, the one about the guy wearing jeans and drinking whiskey, where he’s trying to find a girl to come for a ride in his pick-up. Anyways, I get to this intersection and suddenly there it was. A red light. I was like, ok fine, I guess I’ll stop. Some weirdo was crossing the road. Like, he was walking. I didn’t get it. Why didn’t he just drive in his truck? Whatever, he was gone and I was ready to move on, but the red light turned green…and I just froze. I didn’t know what to do, man. It was red just a minute ago and now it was green and I’m like, woah, what does that mean, bro? Some dude in a Civic behind me honked and I just bolted. I’m still afraid of the cops finding out about it.”
Chad Bradley / 25 years old / likes sports.
“I don’t drive around much. Mostly because I have no goals in life. Nowhere to go, nowhere to be. But last time I went for a little trip to see my grandchildren, because they never visit. So I have to be the one coming over. I don’t like speeding, that’s why I make sure to drive 10 clicks below the speed limit. You see, if the police didn’t want you to drive faster than the signs say, why risk it by driving that exact speed? I prefer to play it safe. So there I was, at a red light, and I was thinking of my grandchildren and how they never call even though their faces are glued to their phones. Why do they never call? They always text each other, these young people. I don’t have one of those fancy phones that can text, and my landline only works if I also pay for cable. But I don’t even watch television, there’s so much violence nowadays and…what? Oh yes, so I was standing at the red light. And it turned green. So I thought to myself, oh there we go, now I can move on. The light is green after all. And I thought about my grandchildren again, oh how they’ve grown. So there I was, getting ready to move forward, and this rude person behind me starts honking their horn. The nerve of some people, unbelievable.”
Agnes Wrinkleton / 276 years old / has no grandchildren
If you have ever felt like the people above where you’re not being able to drive the second the light turns green, then worry no more, because we have something that can help you: get off the fucking road!
“Get off the fucking road” is a new service that provides the necessary help and clarity to those who can’t understand the universal sign for “go”. With its streamlined technology to not have you be on the fucking road, it helps other drivers avoid your dumb-ass decision to hesitate when the light turns green despite there being nothing in your way.
Are you waiting a few seconds before driving even though the light has been green for what seems to be ages for everyone behind you? Get off the fucking road and you don’t need to worry about it.
Are you preventing multiple cars behind you to turn on the left-turn signal because it took you too long to realize that the left-turn signal literally means “nothing is gonna stop you, just go and turn, uuuuughh, just fucking go!”? Get off the fucking road and improve your life expectancy because you won’t be on anyone’s hit list.
“Get off the fucking road” also helps with other conditions like
- Not merging properly
- Not using your turn signal and then suddenly turning
- Incontinence, maybe
- Taking up multiple parking spots
- Blasting your music all around town although nobody wants to hear it
- Possessing a driver’s license despite lacking proper decision making and motor skills
Next time you decide to get into your car, try “get off the fucking road” instead for the sake of everyone around you.
Have you been struggling with people around you who could use this service? Share your experience on the internet of your choice to raise awareness.