Rhymesicle – A Customer’s Blight

I work in retail and learned pretty fast that being a customer is a difficult task. They’re a species of human void of logic and sense, with emotions as hollow as their brains being dense. Let me further explain by pretending to be one of their kind, oh so dramatically:

“There’s no way to tell how much something would cost.

With sales-tags all yellow, shiny and bright

and huge signs displaying which price is right,

you’d think I know the answer. Nope, I’m still lost.

If I need an item that’s one of a kind

and I have no possible way to describe

its name, shape, size, colour, purpose, or type,

I expect the employees to just read my mind.

Now I’m waiting in line. I don’t ready my money.

I mean, what if I don’t have to pay any fee?

If the item won’t scan, it is obviously free.

Why does no cashier think that my jokes are funny?

Wait, I paid too much money, let me see the receipt.

There’s no possible way that the fault’s on my part

just because I don’t check what I drop in my cart.

Call the manager now so they can kiss my feet.

The manager says nothing can be arranged,

but the tiniest troubles tick me off quite a bit.

I will scream, whine, and haggle like a spoiled little shit

and walk out the door grumbling because nothing has changed.”

Now do you understand the customer’s blight? Also who the fuck said that they were always right? They’re not kings, but all fools cursed to roam every aisle. If they don’t get their wish they turn vicious and vile.

Next time you’re in a store, you will know this is true when you realize that you’re now a customer, too.

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