Create Your Villain – Evil Character Generator

You’re probably wondering why I, a well-established and famously handsome writer, would resort to a post so frivolous. To that I say: shut up, I’m having fun. You see, I did this before, and if no one stopped me then, you won’t stop me now either. But that post was just for the giggles, a mere mini bonus among other content. This here, is dead serious. Because not only will you create your own villain to show off your evil prowess during lunch break, you will also create a villain for my next short story.

Alright, here’s the deal: for the first week of this post, from March 25 to March 31 (2019) I will collect all villainous characters created in the comments. I will comb through all platforms, so don’t worry about where to comment. Whether it’s Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, or right here on my blog; your bad guy gets thrown in the raffle, as long as you read the post carefully and follow the instructions. After the deadline, I will randomly pick three characters and write a short story about their evil antics and attempts at taking over the world, or whatever their goals may be.

“But Alex, if all three characters will be villains, who is the hero in that story?”

That’s the point. No heroes, just villains. Hopefully, it will be hilarious.

Special thanks to Luana, Anna, and Tessa for brainstorming all the nonsense I needed for this.

So, let’s get started. You might need something to write things down and keep track. Enjoy this elaborate character creation.

 

You open the trap door and walk down a set of creaky stairs. No element of surprise with these old steps. Once you set foot on the brick floor, you find yourself in a gloomy basement, surrounded by lit candles, dripping their wax into the eye sockets of human skulls. But what did you expect? You’re visiting an evil witch, after all.

There she is, standing hunched over by an oak table. Books and neon coloured fluids in beakers were scattered all over it. The witch had been waiting for you and beckons to come closer.

“I know what you seek, traveler, and I can get you what you desire. You must answer some questions in order to truly become as powerful as you wish to be. Do not worry about payment right now. We will arrange something at another time.” She cackles as she sifts through one of the books on the table. “First, we must prepare a name, for you will not be known as who you are once we’re finished. Channel the power of knowing your birthday and tell me, what is your new name?”

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“Marvelous! But what is a villain without a proper title to strike fear in the hearts of their enemies? Do you still remember your birthday? Good, you’ll need the month to decide what your villain’s title starts with. Then, and this is crucial, think about the country you’re residing in right now. This is your home, it’s your turf, and it’s what shapes your fearful title. Combine the two and you shall be known as such.”

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The witch pours two fabulously coloured fluids into an empty container and let’s the liquids mingle for a while. No stirring required as it looked like it would melt any spoon you’d use for that anyway.

“Now doesn’t that sound intimidating? What could a monster like you want from the poor folks inhabiting this world? Let’s find out.” She cackles some more, might be a lung infection, and grabs another book. “Did you keep track of your age? Of course you did, you know your birthday, you have been obsessed with yourself and your aging for a long time. So tell me how old you are and we will find your true villainous purpose.”

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“That seems rather ambitious. How do you plan to achieve that evil goal of yours? Ah, perhaps there is a legendary weapon or a magical artifact that will help you with your scheme. That’s how it always works, isn’t it? You’re from a generation that knows about time, aren’t you? Ah, of course, you have one of those functioning time detecting devices, or “clock”. Check the time of day right now and use that as an indicator to which ancient McGuffin you need to quest for. Don’t ask why, I’m performing evil magic here, I don’t need to justify my means and get into the intricate details of the whole shebang. Now tell me, what does the time proclaim that you must seek?”

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“Ah yes, I’ve heard tale of this kind of mythical object. You truly believe you can find it? The road to wherever this thing is hiding could be dangerous and many others might try to stop you. But don’t worry,” she scrambled to find another book, “there it is. I will brew up a concoction that will grant you powers beyond your imagination. Do you remember your human name, before you turned evil and decided to become your new self? Choose the first letter of your first name. It is the source of your power.”

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“Fascinating, you will be as powerful as ever. However, such incredible abilities will require a sacrifice. No facade can be this strong without a single, hidden crack. Though, try telling that your landlord and he still won’t give you your deposit back. Anyway, if your first name gave you strength, than it must be the first letter of your last name that serves as the opposite. It is essential to know your own weakness to not be caught by surprise. Tell me, what is it that holds you back from your full potential?”

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The witch cackles excitedly as she mixes more potions together and swirls the container around. The funky colours change into a stale grey.

“Drink this potion. Then, repeat your new identity. It will act as a spell. If you don’t do this exactly as I say, this stuff will degrade your organs and kill you. So yeah, kinda important.”

She hands you the container with the villain potion. Then she tells you the spell you must cast to become the villain that destiny wants you to be.

“I am [VILLAIN NAME], [VILLAIN TITLE PART 1] [VILLAIN TITLE PART 2]. I shall [EVIL PLAN] by finding and wielding the legendary [WEAPON/ARTIFACT]. My villainous skill to [SPECIAL POWER] will give me strength on my journey. My only threat is [WEAKNESS].”

 

 

Speak the spell with your info in the comments.

 

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12 Comments »

  1. I am Neal, Judge of Fancy Soup. I shall send the planet to another very similar yet slightly different solar system by finding and wielding the legendary invisible dagger. My villainous skill to become incredibly heavy and super light will give me strength on my journey. My only threat is getting dizzy from walking.

    Liked by 3 people

  2. I am Loona, Bringer of Balanced Breakfasts. I shall combine all pizza delivery services into a monopoly by finding and wielding the legendary flex tape. My villainous skill is to summon and control a skeleton army by not moving an inch. My only threat is that I can’t resist tacos and will drop anything to eat them.

    I feel slightly robbed. Of what, I’m not entirely sure.

    Liked by 3 people

  3. I am Dodger, Executioner of Deadly Delights. I shall defeat all other villains to be number one by finding and wielding the legendary marshmallow amulet. My villainous skill to materialize someone’s happiest memory will give me strength on my journey. My only threat is only being able to move backwards.

    Liked by 1 person

  4. My name is Igni Traitor of debt, my evil plan is to travel back to a more primitive time and take over the world, with the invisible dagger, my ability of being super fast after consuming caffeine will speed my progress to this goal, my only weakness is …… well I can’t really remember I have short term memory. Sort

    Liked by 1 person

  5. My name is Balthazar Assasin of Balthazar I will eradicate all animals except birds with my marshmallow amulet I read minds when I stick out my tongue unfortunately I fall asleep every 47 minutes.

    Yup sounds like me.

    Liked by 1 person

  6. I am Balthazaar, Emperor of Aftertaste. I shall achieve immortality by finding and wielding the legendary flex tape. My villainous skill to puppeteer shadows will give me strength on my journey. My only threat is aging 30 years when I’m hungry.

    Liked by 1 person

  7. I am Domino, Assassin of Balanced Breakfasts. I shall send the planet to another very similar yet slightly different solar system by finding and wielding the legendary Marshmallow Amulet. My villainous skill to puppeteer shadows will give me strength on my journey. My only threat is the number 42.

    Liked by 1 person

  8. I am Nero, traitor of balanced breakfasts. I shall defeat all other villains to be number one by finding and wielding the legendary marshmallow amulet (not very vegan.) My villainous skill to become incredibly heavy and super light will give me strength on my journey. My only threat is spoons.

    Not the god damn spoons.

    Liked by 1 person

  9. I am Neal, Emperor of Debt. I shall send the planet to another very similar yet slightly different solar system by finding and wielding the legendary Marshmallow Amulet! My villainous skill to create intense shockwaves by slapping my butt will give me strength on my journey. My only threat is an inability to comprehend how machines or weapons work.

    Liked by 1 person

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