Craft Beer Stories – King of Beers
This was originally posted on April 1st, 2019 as an April Fool’s joke.
King of Beers
St. Louis, Missouri
Lager Beer, 5 %
You gotta love craft beer. With all these tiny breweries doing their best to make something unique out of a drink originally only monks got soused on, you can’t go wrong supporting any of those folks. One such gem is Anheuser-Busch, a brand new microbrewery I haven’t even heard of until very recently. There are so many of these crafty little creators out there that it’s tough to give them all a try, and it’s important to highlight those who do their job best. But this tiny nook in the craft beer community doesn’t just try their best, they go all out and call their lager the “King of Beers”. Now that’s some damn confidence, but you can’t judge a drink by its name, which is exactly what I’ll do next.
It’s tragic, really, that most breweries don’t fully prepare the consumer for what they are about to drink. Their labels read “IPA” or “Pilsner” or “Stout” and no one really knows what they are. Anheuser-Busch and their latest seasonal release “Budweiser” don’t follow this confusing trend. Their label clearly states: this is a “Lager Beer”. As a frequent craft beer drinker, if you just read “Lager” you would have no idea what to expect. It’s the “beer” that adds more clarity to it and informs the consumer that they are in fact drinking beer, which helps a lot if you’d ever needed a reminder halfway through the can.
A reminder you’ll be consulting on a regular basis throughout your sips indeed. It’s so smooth you’ll forget you’re having an alcoholic beverage. This is mostly due to the carefully calculated number of ingredients, that will let the beer have a strong enough representation of flavour to qualify as more than just yeasty water. All that at a fraction of the cost of any ordinary craft beer production, because Budweiser contains rice; the cheapest grain they could legally smush into beer. You can’t fault them for being smart about their expenses. Not every small batch brewery can afford to ship out massive amounts of beer to several hundred liquor stores. So let’s not worry about what is in it and rather talk about what it tastes like. There are so many flavours to describe in this beer, we might be here a while.
Other than having an overwhelming flow of yeast washing down your throat, Budweiser follows up with a real treat: a sweetness you’d only experience from desserts. A simpleton might call this an unpleasant sweetness, maybe even unnecessary in a drink that is traditionally and universally expected to be bitter. They might even say that beer tasting sweet is the sign of sugars not being fermented properly cause the product has been rushed out of the factories too quickly. But those people don’t get beer, like us craft enthusiasts do. Partially fermented residue sweetness is an art style only Anheuser-Busch could perfect to a point where you don’t even taste it after the tenth can. This is a beer scientifically constructed to be consumed in such outrageous amounts that you can’t even tell where you got your diabetes from.
Truly, Budweiser has been made with love, care, and a multi-million dollar ad-campaign the likes no craft beer brewery has ever seen. The undeniable king of beers indeed, as like any monarch Budweiser was not appointed by their peers either. It’s a beer that rules over the other drinks with no credentials whatsoever and nothing to topple it off its thrown but death itself. Long live the king.